On the road again

While playing on the computer yesterday, I ended up here, rereading all my previous posts. I realized that I started this blog exactly a year ago. And sadly, I have yet to achieve my goal of losing that last 32 pounds. What I have gained instead is far more valuable however. Since my last posting, I've become a stay at home mom and also had a daughter, Zoe. It has been a wonderful(ly), challenging year. My body however, would disagree with that statement.
Just as I was gaining some headway back on the path of weight loss, Jason and I found out we were expecting another baby. In many ways, it mirrored my pregnancy with Nicholas. When I got pregnant with Nick, I had just started a good routine of getting in shape and the news of my pregnancy immediately caused fears that I would be completely derailed. However, I got very lucky and managed to only gain very little weight, which I lost almost effortlessly due to breastfeeding (yay hormones!).
But then I went on to lose 75 pounds and literally changed my life. So when I got pregnant with Zoe, I was almost crippled with the fear that I would undo all the good I had done and find myself right back where I started. Even despite the knowledge that weight gain during pregnancy was inevitable, the more the scale tipped up, the more discouraged I became. All told, I gained about 30 pounds.
For a lot of various reasons, it has been indescribably difficult to get back in the saddle, so to speak. Not the least of which is that I'm now home alone with 2 small kids all day long. Time to myself, for anything at all, is an absolute luxury. And like most moms, I have really hard time asking for time for me. There's a June Cleaver part of my brain that reasons that Jason has been working hard all day, he should be able to come home and just relax. Not come home and deal with the kids while I go out for something as selfish as a run. And I know he doesn't mind, I know he supports me, and I know that it's important for me to have that time. But my brain defaults to not making it a priority. So there's that.
Anyway...all that to just say I'm on the road again. After a year that included a complicated pregnancy fraught with bed rest and sugary cravings, I've landed about 10 pounds higher than I was before. So I'm starting over at 195. My body is shaped completely differently after this last pregnancy. I feel like a complete pear, all the weight from everywhere on my body seems to have settled squarely (or roundly, as the case may be) around my hips and butt. Super. This should be easy enough. (insert sarcasm here) I am in that terrible post-pregnancy phase where all my pre-pregnancy clothes are too small, and my maternity clothes (that could pass for regular clothes) are too big. Not one item of clothing I own fits as it should. And since I've yet to be selected for What Not to Wear and been given that treasured $5,000 gift card for a new wardrobe, I'm going to have to do something to change my size because I simply can't live my life in yoga pants and T-shirts. Comfy yes, flattering not so much.
For now, I don't have a strict plan laid out. The last few months have taught me that life is nothing if not unpredictable. For now, I'm just going to plan to take time for me at least once a day. If that means going for a run after Jason gets home, great. If the day only allows me to do some at-home work-out during some down time, great too. But it has to be a priority. Like before, I'm hoping that by maintaining this blog will hold me more accountable. But after rereading the posts from last year, I realized that the accountability isn't just to the readers. It's also to myself. Having those posts to look back on, and see how motivated I was helped me feel motivated again.
So, here we go. Again.