Baby steps, y'all

The journey of a thousand miles begins with single step. I guess....at least that's what they say. Whoever "they" are. (Technically, "they" would be Confucius in this case. It was him. He said it.)
My steps, it turns out, are little teeny tiny baby steps. But they are steps all the same.  So I suppose you could say my journey of a thousand miles has begun.
During my pregnancy with Zoe, I craved sweets like a heroin junkie. And now, sadly, I kinda am like a junkie. My body got used to receiving sweets and refined sugars really regularly, and now it literally craves them. I would say I eat mostly healthy, but I have had a serious challenge getting off the sugar train since Zoe was born. In this post, I pointed out how quickly I noticed my body craving garbage. It is truly astounding how fast our bodies become accustomed to and even dependent on the things we put in it, good or bad. Breaking those habits and addictions (if we are to call them what they are) is why it is so hard for us all to get healthy and lose those extra LBs. It's not just about creating new habits of eating the right things and getting more exercise. It's also about ending the bad habits. If you've ever quit smoking or kicked another kind of addiction, you know how hard that can be.
So anyway, my teeny tiny baby steps. Yesterday we went to our church small group. During our meetings there is always some sort of snack, usually a dessert, and coffee. I don't usually have coffee because then I will become this.

 

But yesterday had been really challenging, and I was really tired so I had a cup to make sure I didn't start snoring during our discussion. By this point in my day, I had managed to avoid anything sweet aside from fruits. So I was kind of faced with the dilemma of "have the coffee with the real sugar and stay awake" (I use agave nectar at home for my coffee) or "skip the extra sugar consumption but fight to stay awake for the next 2 hours". Obviously, I went for the coffee. Then we got upstairs and there was a bowl of amazingly delicious chocolate chip cookies on the table. Oh my. They looked delicious and I was REALLY hungry. So I caved and had one. BUT a week ago, I would have had two or three and beaten myself up about it afterwards, regardless of whatever stupid justification I gave myself for "deserving" them, or how everyone else had more than 3 cookies, or whatever. It may have taken a two hour long silent argument with myself, but in the end I fought the urge to keep going back for more. Baby steps y'all....baby steps.

On the road again

While playing on the computer yesterday, I ended up here, rereading all my previous posts. I realized that I started this blog exactly a year ago. And sadly, I have yet to achieve my goal of losing that last 32 pounds. What I have gained instead is far more valuable however. Since my last posting, I've become a stay at home mom and also had a daughter, Zoe. It has been a wonderful(ly), challenging year. My body however, would disagree with that statement.
Just as I was gaining some headway back on the path of weight loss, Jason and I found out we were expecting another baby. In many ways, it mirrored my pregnancy with Nicholas. When I got pregnant with Nick, I had just started a good routine of getting in shape and the news of my pregnancy immediately caused fears that I would be completely derailed. However, I got very lucky and managed to only gain very little weight, which I lost almost effortlessly due to breastfeeding (yay hormones!).
But then I went on to lose 75 pounds and literally changed my life. So when I got pregnant with Zoe, I was almost crippled with the fear that I would undo all the good I had done and find myself right back where I started. Even despite the knowledge that weight gain during pregnancy was inevitable, the more the scale tipped up, the more discouraged I became. All told, I gained about 30 pounds.
For a lot of various reasons, it has been indescribably difficult to get back in the saddle, so to speak. Not the least of which is that I'm now home alone with 2 small kids all day long. Time to myself, for anything at all, is an absolute luxury. And like most moms, I have really hard time asking for time for me. There's a June Cleaver part of my brain that reasons that Jason has been working hard all day, he should be able to come home and just relax. Not come home and deal with the kids while I go out for something as selfish as a run. And I know he doesn't mind, I know he supports me, and I know that it's important for me to have that time. But my brain defaults to not making it a priority. So there's that.
Anyway...all that to just say I'm on the road again. After a year that included a complicated pregnancy fraught with bed rest and sugary cravings, I've landed about 10 pounds higher than I was before. So I'm starting over at 195. My body is shaped completely differently after this last pregnancy. I feel like a complete pear, all the weight from everywhere on my body seems to have settled squarely (or roundly, as the case may be) around my hips and butt. Super. This should be easy enough. (insert sarcasm here) I am in that terrible post-pregnancy phase where all my pre-pregnancy clothes are too small, and my maternity clothes (that could pass for regular clothes) are too big. Not one item of clothing I own fits as it should. And since I've yet to be selected for What Not to Wear and been given that treasured $5,000 gift card for a new wardrobe, I'm going to have to do something to change my size because I simply can't live my life in yoga pants and T-shirts. Comfy yes, flattering not so much.
For now, I don't have a strict plan laid out. The last few months have taught me that life is nothing if not unpredictable. For now, I'm just going to plan to take time for me at least once a day. If that means going for a run after Jason gets home, great. If the day only allows me to do some at-home work-out during some down time, great too. But it has to be a priority. Like before, I'm hoping that by maintaining this blog will hold me more accountable. But after rereading the posts from last year, I realized that the accountability isn't just to the readers. It's also to myself. Having those posts to look back on, and see how motivated I was helped me feel motivated again.
So, here we go. Again.

Spring has sprung! And it's kickin' my....

So this week wasn't stellar. But it was still pretty good. First off, I apologize for the lack of daily posts. Life has been insane crazy, and on top of that, I've been having maddening computer issues which have kept me off the laptop most of the time. I have missed writing these posts each day as much as I'm sure you've missed reading them. I'm sure. ;)
Okay, truth? I didn't get back to my daily workouts as I intended, and as I promised in my last post. I did manage to get in 3 workouts this week. 2 runs and 1 P90 workout. The first run, and the P90 workout were both cut short by my complete inability to pay attention to the alarm clock. Spring is really busting on me so far. First the time change has really messed with me. I've had a really hard time adjusting, and getting into bed early enough to get up on time to complete my workouts. And then to top it off, the pollen has given me terrible allergy headaches and I've already lost one day to a migraine.
Now, I don't know about you, but oversleeping sets my whole day off on the wrong course. I feel rushed and stressed from the get-go, and I can't seem to shake it during the day. Unfortunately, most of my days this past week have felt like that. So, overall I haven't felt great. I feel as though my whole balance is slightly off. I've tried to remedy my unbalanced state by focusing on my diet and nutrition, and trying to eat things that I knew would give my system the boost it needed. 
In the end, it worked out that I balanced my lack of work-outs with a stronger focus on my nutrition. I finished out the week by finally, finally (!) meeting up with that elusive 179 that I've been chasing for the last 8 months! I followed up that victory with a great run on Friday morning. Then Saturday, I stepped on the scale to discover that I was holding steady at 179, and that it wasn't just some random water-weight fluke. So hooray for that!
Here's hoping this week will be better....or maybe not. Maybe just here's hoping I'm happy with how it turns out.

Week Two? Maybe not... But that's okay

Well, obviously since I haven't posted since Tuesday, my week hasn't been nearly as productive as last week. There are a lot of reasons for that, but overall, this week was really just a shining example of "life" happening. In addition to being sick the first part of the week, the time change really messed with my sleep schedule so I had a terrible time trying to get out of bed in the morning. I couldn't even make it to work on time most days this week, let alone get up in time to get in an hour long work out. The only exceptions were Tuesday and Thursday.
Tuesday was Yoga, which I already wrote about. Thursday was Week 4, Day 1 of the Ease Into 10K program. It was actually a really good run. After missing my workout on Wednesday, I felt pretty confident after my run on Thursday that I was back on track. Sadly, life had other plans for me. Thursday turned out to be a really stressful day at work, and I really needed to blow off some steam that night. We had some friends over and grilled some burgers. I ate too much, drank too much, and stayed up too late. None of these things added up to a recipe for success for Friday morning. But they did provide me with a great night, and helped me relax which was what I needed more than anything.
The rest of my weekend has been really great, but I haven't worked out at all since Thursday. However, I'm not that bothered by it. I'm ready and anxious to get back to it, but I'm not beating myself up over missing the workouts. No, I haven't been as diligent as I should have been. Yes, I've delayed the achievement of my goal. But, I've had a great weekend with great friends and tomorrow morning I'm going to get right back in the swing of things. Yes, it is very important to me to live a healthy life and a huge part of that is working out and eating good foods. But another part is allowing yourself time to enjoy your life and finding a healthy balance for the other parts of your life, not just the nutritional and fitness aspects. Without the right people to share your life with, the rest of it just doesn't matter.

What a difference a day makes...

Was I ever glad to put yesterday in my rear view! Compared to yesterday, I felt like a brand new person this morning. Apparently there is some mini virus going around. I've talked to 3 different people who've all complained of the same symptoms I had yesterday. Aches, fatigue, just generally wiped out. Anyway, be on the lookout for the tiny ugly germs, they'll sneak attack you.
So, yoga. Yoga was great this morning, I was so glad that this was the workout I did after a sick day. I think I might make it my new "post sickness" workout. It would have been even better if I had pushed myself even further. The complete Yoga workout is an hour and a half. Anytime I've ever done this video, I've only ever made it about 30 minutes or so. I definitely fell victim to the mental barrier this morning, and stopped at my usual stopping place. I didn't really pay that much attention to whether or not my body wanted to stop. My brain just thought it was time to stop, and so we did.
I still felt really good afterward, and was glad for my 30 minutes. But I had the time this morning to go longer, and in hindsight, definitely had the strength to as well. I think I was just a bit afraid of the unknown. I've never seen or attempted any of the moves past the 30 minute mark, so they're scary. I know I can do (okay, kind of do) the moves up to 29:59. Anything after 30:01 is all uncharted waters.
So, lesson learned. Don't be a pansy. Put on my big girl panties and do the work. No one is making me do this except for me. In the end, I'm only hurting myself by not doing it. I can either maybe be sore for working my body harder than I bargained for, or I can be upset with myself for not pushing to find out how much more I can do.

Also, I mentioned in my Sunday post that I wrapped up my first week at 180.8, just .8 lb from my first mini goal of 179. My final weigh-in for the first week was on Saturday morning. Sunday I got a little cocky and didn't watch what I ate nearly as closely I as I should have, having been so close to my goal. I ate a lot of sodium, and didn't drink nearly enough water. When I weighed Monday morning....183. *#$^#$(!!!! However, interestingly Monday was also my sick day so I didn't work out at all. Monday night, I also treated myself to the top of a Guinness and Bailey's cupcake, and a few vanilla sandwich cookies dipped in Nutella. By all accounts, I should have only moved further from the elusive 179. But just because I'm a masochist, I hopped on the scale again this morning. 181.2....Seriously? I work out and pay close attention to my nutrition all week, only to end up barely more than half a pound away from my first goal. But the ONE day I let myself slack off and eat garbage, I lose 1.8 lbs??? SERIOUSLY?! Too bad it doesn't always work like that...

Gorgeous weather! Too bad I'm under it...

Despite my rousing post yesterday about being motivated and pushing myself to make time each day for my workout, today it just wasn't happening. From the moment my eyes opened this morning, I have counted the minutes until I could crawl back into bed. I have felt sick and just generally pretty crummy all day and decided not to make things worse by making myself do a workout that I would hate. While I want to push myself beyond my comfort levels while doing this workout "experiment" if you will, I never want running or any other workout to be something I "have" to do....it's something I want to do. I need to do it, but that's entirely different than having to do it. It's much too easy to begrudge something you have to do.
Anyway, I took the day off, felt crappy, and treated myself to some chocolate and DVR tonight. Tomorrow, I'm back in the saddle with some early morning P90 Yoga, which I'm looking forward to. I think it will be a great way to get back into the groove after feeling so bad today.

Week One? Check!

One week down, six hundred and seventy two bazillion left. Okay, slight exaggeration. But seriously. This is going to take awhile. However, my first week is behind me, and it was a near perfect week. It was challenging to make myself find the time each day, especially toward the end of the week. But I managed to work out for some portion each day. I wasn't sure it was going to happen yesterday. I overslept, and Nick woke up early. Jason had to work most of the day, and we had dinner plans so I knew my day was pretty packed. The only time I knew I would have to work out was in the morning, before Nick got up. But, as it always does, life happened and threw a wrench in my plans. Thankfully, Nick was cooperative enough (and sleepy enough) to go down for an early nap. I made a deal with myself that I would give myself 30 minutes of the P90X Arms and Shoulders video, but would use heavier weights so I could get a bit more out of the moves. I definitely feel it more today, but in a good way.
Overall, I'd say my first week went great. I'm really proud of myself for pushing Friday and Saturday to make myself put in the time. Over the last year when I've tried to start some sort of workout/exercise routine, I usually wimp out before the first week is over. I always end up skipping a day, and then convince myself that I've already screwed up my "perfect" week, so why keep going? But I read something online recently that said "Saying 'Oh I've already screwed up my good eating today, so I'll just eat crap' is like saying 'Oh I dropped my phone on the floor, so I'll just smash it until it breaks'." I thought that was pretty clever...and accurate. It's totally true, and we all do it. So, I'm pretty proud of myself for getting through the first week since I've recently fallen short time and time again. It gives me a great push for motivation going forward. AND I wrapped up the week only .8 lb short of my first mini goal of 179 (oh 179...you elusive devil), so that's an added bonus.